For most of my life I believed I needed to be smart, pretty and “right all the time” to prove my worthiness and deserve love. I would explain and, if need be, rigorously defend my position. This posture did not earn me love, in fact, quite the opposite. Looking back I can really see why I annoyed people!
It has been incredibly liberating to relinquish my need to be right…or even the need to know anything at all! I feel a greater sense of equanimity, compassion, and peace for myself, and for others. Now rather than having to be seen, explain, or prove myself, I have the experience of being open, present, and listening deeply to others. Instead of being known and understood, my intention is to know and understand.
From this place of higher altitude, I see many people fighting to defend themselves and their positions. It is clear they are carrying pain, hurt, fear and/or anger. Ekhart Tolle has said if someone is in judgment or defensiveness they are in their ego. For me ego is an acronym “Edging God Out.” It is living from a place of disconnection from Spirit, from our loving, and others. Often with that comes the need for competition, control, to be better than others, and significant emotional suffering. The way out of that suffering is to relax and release the need to be right or superior to anyone.
Everyone has opinions, everyone see the world through different eyes, so what if we do not agree? I can listen and ask questions and try to understand another’s position, not agree with them, but not let it affect my beliefs or reality. So now when I have conversations with another is like visiting a different planet, I want to understand what it is like there, rather than insist they know what it is like on “Planet Tammi.” I really know Planet Tammi and I think it is a pretty great place, but I don’t need others to like it or agree with my reality. That being said, if my reality is vastly different than another’s, I probably won’t want to play with them or hang out with them for very long! Some people are better loved from a distance.
Do you care about being right? Does it matter to you what other people think? If so, why don’t you experiment with surrendering those concepts for a week and see how you feel? I bet you will feel so free and peaceful, you won’t want to pick those habits up again! Give me a shout and let me know what you think!
Blessings of freedom, peace, grace, ease and great love!
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