Saturday, April 14, 2012

How Do You Want to be Treated?

Relationships, and life, is a mirror for our thoughts, feelings and our beliefs. Buddha has stated “There is no ‘out there.’” The Talmud has shared with us: “We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are.” It can be a very different way of looking at things – and a much more empowered way! Rather than being a victim of other people’s behavior and actions, we have the opportunity to look at ourselves and determine how another’s actions are mirroring our relationship with ourself.

At one point while I was struggling in my dating life, I asked Spirit a very direct question: “Why can’t I manifest a man who loves, adores and respects me?” A very clear message dropped into my awareness: “Because you do not love, adore and respect yourself!” After contemplating it for a moment..I had to admit it was true. That was the day my relationship with me became the most important relationship in my life.

We have all heard the saying “treat others the way you want to be treated.” I believe this is important. But additionally I believe it is vital to treat yourself you way you want others to treat you. Everyone attracts, and allows close to them, people who treat them they way they treat themselves. So if someone does not deeply respect themselves, they will not be attracted to someone that does. So in truth our relationship problems are not “out there” they are within ourselves.

Consider for a moment a pattern that is showing up in your relationships, or your life, that you do not like. For example: “I have been experiencing a pattern of people (or life) being harsh with me” Then ask yourself: “How am I harsh with myself?” Next take some time to consider what you would like instead: “I would prefer life being kinder and more gentle with me.” Now ask yourself how you can be more kind and gentle with yourself. Some options might be getting a massage or allowing yourself to take a nap when your tired. Perhaps it can look like taking some quiet time for yourself in nature, buying yoruself flowers or making yourself a fabulous meal. Consider what you want...now find a way to do it for yourself. If you commit to this process, and to your loving relationship with you, within a short amount of time you will start to notice a shift in how you are treated in your relationships as well as all areas of your life.

The process is actually very simple, though not always easy. It is about taking 100% responsibility for all of your experiences, and I know how compelling it can be to make others wrong and bad for not treating us better. But if this is a stance one is determined to maintain, their relationships will never improve. The question that comes to mind is: "Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy?" I was right for many years about how others had done me wrong - and I was miserable. Once I gave up being right and started treating me the way I wanted others to treat me, my life shifted and transformed in seemingly miraculous ways. So my answer to that question now is a wholehearted “I WANT TO BE HAPPY!” What is your answer? What do you want? And how can you treat yourself that way now?